VANNA WHITE AND PAT SAJAK

Vanna’s first appearance on Wheel of Fortune, December 13, 1982

She’s obviously a very attractive woman, seems sincerely pleasant, and has managed to parlay the ability to use her hands to turn large Scrabble tiles in one direction into a low grade celebrity career, which is equal parts admirable and astonishing.  I will say this for her, she understands her place in this world, and it’s firmly planted on the set of the hugely popular game show ‘Wheel of Fortune.’  

This is in stark contrast to her utterly bland co-worker Pat Sajak, who for some unfathomable reason, decided his capacity to ask pre-scripted questions based on short anecdotes penned by the show’s contestants, somehow qualified him to host his own short lived late night talk show, which ran from January 9, 1989 until April 13, 1990.  The resulting ratings bomb brought Pat back to Earth from the giddy heights of show biz like an obese albatross with a broken wing, and he’s worn a contemptuous, defeated look on his face ever since, reading clues like ‘We’re looking for a type of circus freak,’ as though he were describing a particularly grievous bowel movement.  Here’s a tip Pat; be like Vanna.  She knows without this show she would be back to hosting professional Tupperware parties, and that you ‘d be back managing your hometown bowling alley.  They both perfectly embody the sentiment of know your limits.  Vanna does so with some grace however, while Pat was forced to see what it’s like to grab the brass ring with nothing but his elbow.

(CBS promo for the Pat Sajak show.)

WEIRD AL YANKOVIC

Al Yankovic on ‘Circus of the Stars’ from 1993

Okay, this guy is actually a decent accordion player, and granted has a sense of humor, but his stupefying ability to manufacture a career out of bastardizing song lyrics in the same way my friends and I did during grade 4 lunch hours while bored out of our skulls is just not something anyone would have believed possible as a career for a grown ass man.  Just the titles of his ‘hit’ songs make me want to punch his head in, they are so reminiscent of being a 9 year old and thinking that lyrics such as  ‘Like a surgeon’ was the funniest damn thing in the world, and therein lies the rub; they are funny TO A 9 YEAR OLD.  How in the name of teeth gnashing irony this kind of ‘songwriting’ could have ever turned into a livelihood for an adult is living proof that the Western world is utterly devoid of culture and sanity.  I need only point to the Kenny G haircut to suggest that this guy’s 15 minutes should have been over 25 years ago.

RUSH LIMBAUGH / BILL O’REILLY / ANN COULTER / SEAN HANNITY / GLENN BECK / BILL KRISTOL / MICHELLE MALKIN

I have lumped them all into one giant mass of fetid ectoplasm because they have literally morphed into an indistinguishable mass of monumentally unpleasant boorishness.  Speaking hate to the masses of Twinkie engorged mental midgets is no way for a self respecting human being to draw a paycheque.  It’s as though they all answered the question ‘What do you want to be when you grow up,’ with ‘The most vile, ill-informed, divisive, money grubbing, hate filled bigot that can influence millions of knuckle dragging proto-simians who would rather eat their own bile than read a book about politics or history or other cultures, because as an American, it’s my God given right to castigate anyone who doesn’t look, think or act like my heroes from the privileged, all Caucasian world of the 1930’s.’  Talk about lowballing it.

I leave them to hang themselves with their own words.

JESSICA AND ASHLEE SIMPSON

Where do I start?  Jessica Simpson seems to be on a singular mission to figuratively embody every facet of every dumb blonde joke ever written.  Not content to portray herself as a witless and crass beer belching bimbo during her excruciating reality series ‘Newlyweds: Nick and Jessica,’ which chronicled the impending breakdown of her short lived marriage to perpetually embarrassed husband Nick Lachay, JS went on to curse the career of NFL quarterback Tony Romo by insisting that the presence of 85 television cameras that followed their relationship was just the price of ‘fame.’  What a surprise to find that VH1 is airing what they call a ‘documentary’ series about her entitled ‘The Price of Beauty.’  One can only assume this will constitute a stunningly revealing behind the scenes look at how much it costs to desperately try and seem viable to a world that has long ago lost interest in the day to day existence of a pretty but mindless denizen of a pseudo celebrity wasteland culture.

Ashlee Simpson is just proof of what to expect when the ambitious sibling of a non talent pushes their way onto the big stage simply by virtue of their DNA; hilarity ensues.

LARRY KING

Once thought of as the premier interviewer on syndicated radio, Larry and his shoulder pads have been a mainstay on CNN for years now, and has been making it clear almost as long that a senior citizen with a bizarre history of collecting and discarding trophy wives like dime store figurines, has been seamlessly phoning it in for years.  Relying on his legions of underlings to provide him with a one page synopsis on the careers and biographies of his guests, this amounts to Larry doing no research but asking them poignant questions such as, ‘So what did you think about the Iraq War?  Good, bad, a little inconvenient for shopping, or what?’

THE HOGANS

Okay, the Hulkster had his time under the big top, as any self respecting steroid freak with 21 inch guns who loves to wear a Speedo and bounce off sweaty ex football has beens should.  What in the name of Sweet Daddy Siki makes anyone believe this guy and his sorry ass family of miscreants should now be the stars of their own reality show that exploits the notion that people will watch just about any train wreck if it’s on three times a day in immediate syndication?  Not content to share the glare of big daddy’s spotlight, Brooke Hogan is now laboring under the impression she’s got what it takes to warrant her own 24 hour a day hubriscam to share her insights and ‘talents’ with the rest of the universe.  In a perfect world, they would all spontaneously combust for the good of humanity.

Brooke Hogan waxes poetic.

Brigadier-General Jonathan Vance, Canada’s commander in Afghanistan, has been the most recent high level official to state publicly what many NATO military and political leaders are increasingly recognizing as a primary obstacle to success in the war torn country.

“The international community is going to demand honesty, integrity and good performance from all levels of government or we won’t stay.  We have lost too many soldiers and spent too much of our people’s money to stay if there is not honest co-operation.  Our public accepts us here and is deciding right now whether we will stay. Canadians, Americans, the British, everyone is wondering whether it is worth it to stay.”

Vance made his comments during his final tour of Kandahar province, meeting with local tribal elders on the eve of his departure as Canada’s top commander in Afghanistan, following his ten month tenure.

His dire warning comes on the heels of similar statements delivered to Afghan president Hamid Karzai, in the aftermath of the election debacle which saw widespread fraud allegations lead to a potential second round of voting, only to have the runoff vote halted at the last moment by the unexpected withdrawal of Karzai’s main challenger, Dr. Abdullah Abdullah.

Abdullah had wanted major changes made to the makeup of the election monitoring committee, whom he accused of being loyal to Karzai, and thus responsible for much of the vote tampering, as well as some of the procedural processes which he also saw as flawed.  When his demands were rejected, he announced his withdrawal from the runoff process in protest, and paved the way for Karzai to be returned to power, albeit under a cloud of suspicion.

Although this outcome provided some relief among NATO countries whose military deployments have been heavily debated in recent months, particularly in the United States as president Barack Obama has been weighing his decision to escalate his nation’s armed forces in Afghanistan depending on the outcome of the Afghan election, the controversy surrounding Karzai’s government has certainly not abated as a result of the voting fiasco. 

In fact, Brig-Gen. Vance is in the rare position of having the opportunity to voice the private concerns of many NATO military and diplomatic personnel, and the growing numbers of their constituents for whom the Afghan mission has become largely untenable.

“I think we have achieved everything, tactically, that we set out to. I feel that the coalition is going to achieve great things. More Afghans are going to be safe and the country is going to begin to recover,” said Vance, when asked if success was still possible in Afghanistan.  “What I am hoping for is a political environment where there is the courage to govern correctly and to take responsibility for the insurgency.  I was hoping that post-election there would be a real surge of political renewal, but that is still a question mark.”

NATO is seeing a disturbing shift in support among its domestic populations, who are finding it increasingly difficult to define ‘victory’ while the Afghan government continues to present itself as incapable of battling corruption, internal strife and the resurgent narcotics trade, not to mention the Taliban.

Hamid Karzai has been anything but effective or popular as a leader, as the recent election proved starkly.   The result has been a steady upswing in the belief that the efforts of Western military involvement will be largely inconclusive in the face of the enormous challenges facing the Afghan people.

General Vance, while trying to strike a more optimistic chord, seemed only to echo the vast disparities between the long term goals of the military mission in Afghanistan, and the harsh realities;

“There are still many years before Afghanistan can stand up on its own, but it is achievable,” he said. “Not everything needs to be done in the next year and a half but we need to demonstrate clear and decisive progress in the districts and this must be connected to progress at the provincial and national levels.  We are going to get to the zenith of the tactical effect in 12 to 18 months. But if we have tactical success absent a healthy governing environment, it will be much harder for Afghanistan to rally. It is important that leaders at all levels here are seized by this matter. Our tolerance to act here if we are without a solid, altruistic partner would be in jeopardy."

After 8 years of a grueling ground and air offensive, NATO is in the uncomfortable position of having to admit to very limited gains in the course of the war, and that its partnership with an Afghan government held in suspicion and contempt by its own people and much of the rest of the world, has not strengthened anyone’s conviction that the necessary elements are in place to achieve success, however that is defined.

With president Obama appearing set to authorize an additional 30,000+ American troops to the battlefields of Afghanistan, it appears that Gen. Vance’s prediction of a further 12 to 18 months of military engagement might be simply wishful thinking.

More’s the pity.

These then are a few of my least favorite things that are turning the first decade of the 21^st century into the flotsam and jetsam millennium:

VAMPIRES

WTF is up with all this Vampire shiite?  They are literally EVERYWHERE in popular culture.  Can anyone explain to me why people under the age of 20 are obsessed with the entirely fictitious idea of demonic, blood suckers torn from the pages of Tiger Beat magazine and thrust into the local High School to bewitch the likes of jocks, cheerleaders and brainiacs on Main streets across the Western world?  This guy Pattinson looks like he could actually use some real blood in his anemic body; his hair looks healthier than he does.  Are teens so bored and dismissive of real life that they would rather retreat into a  fantasy world where at least you know what to expect from the brooding new kid with the fangs?  Enough already.

TWITTER

This has got to be the most unnecessary of all the formulaic new media available 24/7 to a fad obsessed culture. Not content to have email, instant messaging and text, the invasive geniuses at TWITTER now provide the average person with the ability to project their averageness, or the newest celebrity their celebritiness to the entire planet if need be, updating whole communities simultaneously about the slightest minutiae of their every waking moment.  Imagine going a full hour without knowing if Paris Hilton was stepping out of a cab, or if Shia LaBeouf got a new haircut, or if your spouse was eating a healthy lunch and possibly farting afterward, all in real time?  The very idea makes me want to jump on my BlackBerry and TWITTER my anxiety about even considering missing all that important crap that makes me feel so important because I can live vicariously through all these important people who make life so important with their important crap.

MILEY CYRUS

For the love of God, what makes this young woman and her followers believe she is the second coming of Jesus?  You cannot turn on the television or the computer without being bombarded by an endless stream of vapid information about this endlessly vacuous and completely manufactured individual.  A vastly popular television show, countless concert tours, a movie and truly Herculean volumes of gossip have yet to inspire me to believe this 15 year old daughter of a one hit wonder country musician whose fame ended just as Miley was conceived, has even a shred of legitimate talent.  The most one can claim is that she is the new Britney Spears; who would want to aspire to anything more than that?

BRITNEY SPEARS

The one who set the mold for young, immensely popular ‘celebrities’ whose entire persona is based on the idea that if you manage to get your image broadcast virtually 24 hours a day, no one will notice that you actually have no credible attributes to validate your status as a ‘star,’ and that your life is really nothing more than a spectacular train wreck with designer clothes.  The best that can be said about BS is that she’s the old Miley Cyrus, but with more plastic surgery and offspring, both of which are merely tax deductible accessories for her.

ADOLESCENT INTERNET WHORES

These desperate, attention seeking teens fall into two categories; males and females.  The male version generally consists of 14 to 18 year olds picking fights with one another and filming the entire melee on their cellphones before uploading it to UTube or EBaumsWorld or other similar websites that cater to the basest instincts fueling puerile, adolescent fantasies of wannabe gangbangers, whose idea of fun is to corner someone and beat the crap out of them while their buddies look on approvingly and often join in; most disturbing is the growing number of teen girls who find this equally entertaining. The female version is generally comprised of young girls 13 to 19 years of age whose idea of a good time is to get together in groups of from 3 to 10 individuals, take off their clothes and drink themselves into a super sexy stupor that allows them to dance like seasoned strippers in lingerie designed for adult women in front of a webcam. and then upload the video onto the internet as fast as possible, thus ensuring the onset of premature heart attacks and permanent facial tics for fathers all over the world. 

Just two words of advice to both versions; aim higher.

REALITY SHOWS

Years ago while watching one of the first Survivor episodes, which incidentally was my last episode, I remarked to my friends in attendance that if this trend continued, it wouldn’t be long before the FOX network would feature such stirring TV fare as ‘Virgins Vs. Volcanoes!’ or ‘Who Wants to Marry My Dead Gay Dad?  Everyone laughed and thought I was just being typically cynical.  I was, but I was also perfectly serious.  In the ensuing decade, there has been absolutely nothing to suggest that my prediction won’t eventually come true.  ‘Bubble Boy’ certainly didn’t convince me that people aren't now willing to do ANYTHING, including breaking the law, for the chance to show the entire universe just how messed up they are in between commercials for male erectile dysfunction and female condoms.

CELLPHONES

I’ve written about this before, but the wholly ubiquitous nature of these handheld devices, and their increasingly sophisticated designs have made them more common than a wristwatch and more annoying than Nigerian Princes who send emails calling you ‘Dear Lovely One.’  If you threatened to restrict the use of these bloody things for one day from the average teenager, they would first break out in a cold sweat, then club you over the head with their 45 pound backpack and push you under the wheels of the nearest SUV.  The entire thing would be recorded and on UTube before your body entered rigor mortis.  This is what happens when you give a 14 year old a $500 IPhone as a birthday present because ‘Everyone else in school has one!’  Don’t be surprised to find homemade fight videos or exotic dancing on the device should your son or daughter be foolish enough to leave it where you might find it; and that’s if you can crack their security password because they aren’t stupid enough to let their parents find out what they’ve really been doing with the damn thing.

It’s been a fascinating month of revelations for Canadian Prime Minister Stephen Harper, to say the least.

On October 3, Harper drew a standing ovation for his performance with famed cellist YoYo Ma at the black tie event for the National Arts Centre gala. 

This yearly event is a showcase for the rich and powerful elite in Ottawa society, with all the pomp and ceremony that such a prestigious, invitation only soiree commands.

One would think that should the Prime Minister wish to entertain the assembled dignitaries, his preference might run to light classical music, or perhaps nothing more radical than Michael Buble

Which only made his choice of The Beatles’ “With a Little Help From My Friends” all the more unexpected.

Notwithstanding the obviously smirk worthy enjoyment in listening to the normally staid and politically correct PM uttering the words ‘I get high with a little help from my friends’ multiple times, there was rightfully no mention in any reporting of the impromptu concert regarding the lack of Canadian song content for Harpers’ foray into the heady world of show business.

After all, what proud Canadian would legitimately admit any misgivings about The Beatles? Their message of peace, love and rock ‘n roll is universally appealing and the furthest thing in the world from politically charged.

Nonetheless, I think I speak for the vast majority of the population who were both duly impressed with Harper’s singing and piano skills, and equally surprised at his choice of such a liberal, one might even say ‘Hippy’ tune, complete with an overt drug reference and meme of togetherness and brotherhood.

It was akin to having John Diefenbaker appear on MuchMusic wearing a tie-dyed T-shirt, waving a Bob Marley album and pleading to anyone who might listen to ‘Legalize it!’

Just as the nation was getting used to the idea of the PM appearing next on Canadian Idol, banging out his version of AC/DC’s ‘Highway to Hell,“ Harper revealed yet another jaw dropping admission on October 22 at the Canadian Chamber of Commerce Convention in Toronto, when asked his opinion of Canadian news;

For a Prime Minister and a political party that has made photo opportunities into the kind of meticulously managed stage craft worthy of Broadway that Mr. Harper and his minions have become famous for, the very idea that the star of these productions does not even bother to watch the end result, nor the reaction to them by the media or the public, is simply amazing.

What then, one wonders, is the purpose of maintaining such an authoritarian grip on the image of the party and the PM if the main attraction doesn’t even trust the media he presumably designs it all for to present that image in a responsible manner?

When pressed about which American news programming he watches, Harper declined to comment on any specifics, almost as though he were more concerned about the reaction to his preferences among U.S. journalists and networks than he was those of his own country.

While these events seem unrelated, it’s difficult to reconcile the image of the PM belting out John Lennon lyrics to a bemused and astonished gathering of business scions and socialites, and his nonchalant confession in front of the nations’ media that Canadian news is not worthy of his attention.

The Prime Minister it seems, is a far more interesting individual than he has led us to believe.

Are Canadians now to expect further admissions to include his penchant for zebra stripped underwear versus boxers, or that he and his wife stroll 24 Sussex in the nude, or that he doesn’t stoop and scoop when walking the family dog?

There is still a week and a half left in the month; here’s hoping.

Copyright JQM 2009

#10)  JACKIE O

Already famous as a former First Lady of the U.S. and widow of President John F. Kennedy, Jaqueline Bouvier Kennedy created a media shockwave with her marriage to one of the worlds’ richest men, Greek shipping magnate and homunculus extraordinaire Aristotle Onassis, in 1968, just months after the assassination of her brother in law Robert Kennedy, and became tabloid superstar Jackie O.  Thus resumed the public fascination with a woman already beloved for her glamour, style and sophistication, and now presumably because people wondered endlessly about how she could possibly get down with a shrunken troll like Onassis, who had been romantically linked with numerous famous women, including opera Diva Maria Callas, whom he ignobly dumped for Jackie.  The Kennedy mystique went from Camelot to gossip central as Jackie’s every movement was scrutinized for even a hint of titillation, as she became the most photographed woman in the world in the first half of the decade.

#9)  All IN THE FAMILY

Based on a successful British sitcom called Bless This House, the emergence of Archie Bunker and his racist, sexist brand of humor in 1971 hit America like a giant beer belch, and the burps kept on coming.  Caroll O’Conner, Jean Stapleton, Rob Reiner and Sally Struthers so perfectly captured the extremes of an American society coming to terms with a rapidly changing world at home and abroad, that it immediately became one of the most popular programs in the history of television.  Words like ‘Dingbat,’ ‘Meathead’ and ‘Little Goil’ quickly became the insults of choice in schoolyards across North America.  The episode where Sammy Davis Jr. kisses Archie is a classic.

#8)  KOJAK

Telly Savalas starred as New York police detective Lt. Theo Kojak, and single handedly made bald, big nosed Greek actors a hot commodity.  In an age where virtually anyone could be sexy, even he couldn’t have imagined that he might be considered one of them.  His portrayal of an off beat cop who had a penchant for lollipops, overcoats and pithy one liners was a real departure from the standard straight talking, ultra White cop that was the norm.  Somehow the show, which ran for 5 years from 1973-78 had a surprisingly large audience of women who found the dead pan line ‘Who loves ya baby?’ irresistible.

#7)  CHARLIES’ ANGELS

This show is almost exclusively famous for the introduction of Farrah Fawcett, but is also one of the campiest tv concepts ever to get off the ground.  A combination of sex appeal, women’s lib and over the top sexism, the idea of 3 former police officers giving up their mundane, going nowhere roles for the exciting, glamorous and dangerous world of private detectives, was an immediate smash.  The first season had the Angels appearing in a variety of form flattering and revealing outfits, which explained why they were constantly solving murders at the beach or a beauty pageant, or why 3 young, attractive women would be at the beck and call of a faceless older weirdo that had a penchant for sending them into danger while he and Bosley stayed out of the way, presumably because even then perverted voyeurs just weren’t cool.

#6)  EVEL KNIEVEL

Today, with every teenager on Earth likely making millions from death defying motorcycle or skateboard stunts, the idea of a middle aged, leather clad daredevil seems like an old Simpson’s episode, which it later was.  But in the 1970’s, Evel Knievel was the face of cool for millions of adolescent boys and jaded, pot bellied men who could only dream of the thrill of sailing a motorcycle over 15 school buses then crashing to the ground at 120 MPH so that you could feel every bone in your body break into pieces in super slo-motion.  The ultimate event was his infamous ‘Snake River Canyon Jump’ which saw him evoke the spirit of the Lord no less than 30 times in his pre-jump interview with Jim McKay on ABC’s Wide World of Sports, which carried the spectacle live, only to have Evel curse like a drunken sailor after emerging from his wrecked rocket vehicle after the aborted jump, when his parachute opened prematurely and sent him hurtling to the canyon floor in what promised to be TV’s first live suicide.  I still have the Evel Kneival Stunt set toy for all you Ebay freaks.

#5)  SATURDAY NIGHT FEVER

What can be said?  The film that made John Travolta a superstar, introduced the Bee Gees to an entirely new generation of fans, and made Disco music THE sound of the age.  Travolta was already a fan favorite on ‘Welcome Back Kotter,’ but this movie made him a household name.  The Bee Gees were already one of pop music’s most successful acts, but their contributions to the soundtrack became their biggest selling singles and the album replaced FleetWood Mac’s ‘Rumors’ as the best selling record in history until 'Thriller.'   Bell bottom jeans, silver disco balls, pulsating music and line dancing were suddenly the hottest things on Earth, and created the Rock vs. Disco war that has raged ever since like a Disco Inferno.  How deep is your love when you should be dancing?

 #4)  THE ABC AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL

Teenagers today wouldn’t believe it, but there was actually a time when no one gave a decrepit rat turd about what they thought, what they did or what impact they might have on society.  Then miraculously,  some suit at ABC decided that kids had money to spend and were possibly going to have even more to spend if only there was a tv show that could hook them into watching ads about running shoes and acne medication while making them feel important.  The concept was to appeal to what issues teens were dealing with; drugs, alcohol, sexuality, peer pressure and conformity, and make it ‘hip’ and ‘keen.’  Starring the likes of ‘70’s teen luminaries like Lance Kerwin and Kristy McNichol, these attempts at ‘realistic’ teen drama were notable for their utterly phony, Hollywood notions of what teenagers were like, which only made them that much more attractive to the scores of actual teens who got drunk and stoned while watching them with a mixture of contempt and uncontrollable laughter. 

#3)  THE JACKSON FIVE

Long before he got weird and carved himself up, Michael Jackson was the epitome of cool for a generation of kids of all races.  He and his brothers were talented, world recognized and funky bad asses at a time when kids didn’t control the universe.  A string of top ten hits, their own Saturday morning cartoon and later their own prime time tv show were just some of the accomplishments that made my brothers and I worship these guys as if they were part of our own family.  I defy anyone to watch this clip and not wish they were MJ for even a split second at this age; talk about cool, you don’t even know.

#2)  BURT REYNOLDS

Films like Shamus, The Longest Yard and Smokey and The Bandit established the Burtinator as one of Hollywood’s biggest box office stars, and sent legions of women swooning at his increasingly irritating penchant for wearing ever tighter ass hugger jeans.  Just when you thought he would spontaneously combust for sleeping with literally every young starlet in America, Burt broke the mold when he began a serious relationship with Dinah Shore, at the time the most watched daytime talk show host on television, a respectable Southern belle who was 20 years his senior.  Their romance was the talk of the town, until Burt dumped her for his Smokey and the Bandit co-star Sally Field, thus fulfilling the macho dreams of balding, married men everywhere, who wanted to get it on with their wives' best friend and the local nun, probably at the same time.

#1)  MUHAMMAD ALI

Talk about having it all; a specimen of physical beauty, Olympic champion, a committed social activist, the only 3 time Heavyweight boxing title holder in history and the baddest mothereffer on the planet, Ali encompassed the absolute epitome of old school masculinity and superstardom.  People forget that he was one of the original rappers with his infamous rhymes or contemptuously thought his knockout round predictions were just bravado and luck. Stripped of his Heavyweight boxing title at the height of his career for refusing to serve in the U.S. army during the Vietnam war, Ali famously remarked, “I ain’t got no quarrel with them Viet Cong…they never called me nigger.”  His 3 epic fights with Smoking Joe Frazier as part of his comeback were some of the most punishing displays of physical prowess in the sport.  After the second fight, Ali said ‘It’s the closest I’ve come to dying.’  After Frazier lost the title he’d won from Ali to the undefeated George Foreman, who knocked Joe down 6 times in 2 rounds, the stage was set for ‘The Rumble in the Jungle’ in Kinshasa, Zaire, Ali vs. Foreman for the undisputed Heavyweight crown.  After employing his famous ‘Rope a Dope’ tactic for the entire fight, which meant allowing the younger, more powerful Foreman to use him as a punching bag, Ali scored the most famous knockout in boxing history when the exhausted Foreman took a flurry of punches that sent him reeling to the canvas in the 8^th round.  For those who only know Ali as the victim of Parkinson’s disease, likely brought about from boxing, the true legend of the man is the stuff of Hollywood.